youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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