why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
