every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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