I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
