i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I understand Curling. That high.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
