dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
