Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Houston, we have a blender
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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