Nicole vs. Life
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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