so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
