Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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