i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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