i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
