Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
