you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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