I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
