my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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