she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
