It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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