My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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