Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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