I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
