My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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