When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
