I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
