I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
