my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
