I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
