HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
