He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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