Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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