1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm bleeding and have questions
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
