Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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