that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
