i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
