my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
