i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
