walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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