I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
