I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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