billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
