Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
