Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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