i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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