my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
