his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
