that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
