She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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