My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
