U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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