I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
